Daddy's 40th day

It has been 40 days since Daddy passed away.  Family and friends have been asking how we are holding up.  Well, there are good days and bad. . .and there are worse.  Until this day, everything seems unreal.  At home, it feels like he is still there. .  just in another room.  

One time, I was at the mall and I suddenly thought of buying hopia (just like I always do) because it is Daddy's favorite snack.  He's going to be happy with his pasalubong!  Then it hit me that Daddy isn't here anymore (physically, that is).  Sometimes, it only takes little things like this to remind me that he is really gone.      

There are days when we remember the things we planned on doing but we weren't able to, the "if onlys", lots of "I wish" and the "what could have beens".  And personally, I had to deal with some "regrets".  All of us have our own way of dealing with the pain, the grief, the loss.  

But there is one thing that we all do. . . we celebrate him everyday.  We talk about him . . .we talk to him!  We remember how he lived his life, how he made us laugh, how he took good care of us. . .how much love he has shown us.

What is life like when you lose someone you love?  

It hurts. . . and it is life changing.

You learn to be strong, to keep the faith (always), you learn to appreciate (more) the people you love and who love you.  You value each day you live and make the most of it.  You learn not to take each day for granted because life can throw you a curve ball and surprise you.

We started going through his personal things and we saw a letter which he sent to us when they went overseas for a trip (when I was 12 years old).  He wrote a message for each of us (my siblings and I). In it, he asked me how my "slimming lessons" are. . . (not swimming. . .slimming!)  and if I lost weight already, hahaha!  Daddyyyy!!! Oh well, some things never change!

Daddy, we miss you everyday.  And I know we are going to miss you and think of you everyday of our lives.  We love you so much! 

And that will never change. 

Thank you Mommy!

Today is the first Mother's Day which we are going to celebrate without Daddy.  Mom didn't just lose a husband, she also lost her bunso (it means youngest in the family).  That is actually our private joke at home, that Dad is actually Mom's bunso, haha!  Do you know what is the last word my father said before he passed away?  It was "Mommy". . . that's how he calls called her.  (I still have to get used to using the past tense for Daddy!)  It only shows how much he wanted her to be by his side all the time. . . especially when he got sick.  Yes, Daddy can be a big baby.  There is something magical (healing even) about Moms ano?  Their mere presence, their touch, their hugs comfort us and make us feel better.    

My father was a fearless man but during the last year of his life (that is when he started his dialysis treatment), he drew strength from my Mom.  She took care of him, was so patient with him (Dad can be in a crappy mood sometimes), she just never gave up on him.  She was living their wedding vows . . . "for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, 'til death do we part" .  

Mommy. thank you very much for the utmost love, care and devotion you have always given to all of us.  You inspire me to be a strong woman.  Always remember that we are here for you and that we love you dearly. 

I saw this video for the first time last year and it still never fails to make me cry. 

Happy Mother's Day to *everyone! 

(*Because all of us can be "Moms" in different ways) 

The Saddest Day in my Life

These past few days have been . . . heart wrenching to say the least.  I haven't cried this much in my life.  I have been crying so much for the past two days that my eyes have run dry.  But then when I remember that I won't get to see and talk (no more hugs and kisses) to the first man I've loved, the tears just start coming again.

My dad passed away yesterday and it hurts. . . A LOT.  I wasn't ready to let him go.  He passed away just when we got back to LA last Thursday.  It hurts that I wasn't there when it happened.  I had to deal (still do) with so many feelings. . . denial, regrets, guilt.  There's a certain emptiness in my life right now.

So I will be taking a blogging break.. . . but I promise I'll be back.  

To honor my father, I've listed down some blog posts which I've written in the past about him.  He has left so many wonderful memories which makes writing his eulogy a little bit harder.

I hope that through these posts, you get to know a little bit about him. . . this man who taught me valuable lessons in life and who helped me to become the person that I am today.

I miss you Daddy (so bad). . . .I'll be home to see you for the last time.

I love you. . . you will forever live in my heart. 

Our Modern Bahay Kubo

Jaihouse Rock

Lolo's Girl

Happy Birthday Daddy

Spot On!

There is a saying which says "Patience is a virtue".  This was something which holds true to me. . . before the kids came, haha!

Parenthood is not a walk in the park.  I have to say that it brings out the best and the worst in me!  

There are days when I get heart melting moments.  Like when the other day, my Princess said:

"Mama look at the pink mirror (her toy), you're beautiful"  *Awwwww*

And then I imagine what my life will be without them!

And then there are days when I just want to scream and breakdown!  Sometimes I'm just too tired from doing household chores (and there are still so many things left to do) that I become impatient with the little ones.  And when this sets in, for sure, there is some yelling bound to happen (which breaks my heart).  Then, I feel I need a breather and I start to miss the life I had before I had them.

And then I imagine what my life will be without them!

But however hard it is, those precious moments are far greater than the ehrrrmm, let's just say, the "emotionally charged ones" haha!

And there is no imagining what my life will be without them because. . . I just can't. =)

To end this post, would just like to share with you an IG post shared by (working.mom.ksa) which is funny and true! =)

Spot on!  Haha! 

Going BIG!

I'm baaacckkk!!!  This is the longest time that I haven't posted anything on my blog!  I love writing but with the BIG change that happened in my life, I have to make extra effort in writing posts for my blog.  Why?  

I am happy to share with you a good news. . . .I'm expecting Baby #3!!!!

(Nahhhh, just kidding!!!  Hubby won't even find that joke funny, hahahaha!!!)

But there really is a good news. . . we have finally joined Hubby in LA!  For those of you who don't know, Hubby and I have been apart since we got married.  So after 5 years, countless trips back and forth (we take turns visiting each other), free phone and video calls (thanks to YM, Viber and Skype!) and two kids (we are blessed for being able to have them in spite of being apart, haha!) . . . we are finally in the same time zone!  Woohoo =)  We are just extremely happy that we are all together now!  

I can say that we we are all adjusting pretty well in our new home (though the Princess who is used to drinking formula milk before coming here didn't like the taste of fresh milk so that meant no white milk for her. . . just chocolate milk, haha!)  I miss my family and friends back in the Philippines but Home is where you make it, right? =)  

Another BIG thing that happened was .  . . I have celebrated the big 4-0 last July!  (So when does Middle Age start again?)  Back when I was 18, 40 sounded . . . sooooo old, haha!  Now that I'm 40, all I can say is Age is just a number and a state of mind!

I guess it's true what they say, life begins at 40 because I am starting a new chapter and living a life differently. . . . from what I was used to. =)

To celebrate my big 4-0, there was one thing I wanted to do. . .  

Get a hair colorrr!!!  Haha!

Hubby noticed my white hair. . . but to SAY something about it . . .

I knew I had to, haha!

And if you are asking me what the good Hubby got me for birthday. . . Well, he wanted to take me for a trip to my favorite city (San Diego), wanted me to choose a luxury bag . . . both of which I said No to. . . for now. (Honey, please take note.  It's not a NO-NO, it's just a NO. . . for now okay, haha!)  

Because honestly, I couldn't ask for anything more! =) 

My Treasures . . . My Loves

There's no other way to put everything that has been happening in the past few months but the fortune I got from a fortune cookie I had in one of our lunches says it all .  . .

Yes, moving to a different country at 40 years old is a bold and dashing adventure . . . and I'm going to tell you more about it!    

(Thank you Honey for getting me a laptop . . . it makes blogging easier!)

Betcha my Jolly Wow!

Last week, we celebrated our little Prince's 1st Birthday Party.  We chose to celebrate it with a small and simple party (with less than 30 guests---kids included!) and held it in Jollibee.  

Why Jollibee?  Because we love the food and it's stress-free!  Haha!  They offer party packages (which you can customize) that include almost everything you need (balloons, party hats, invitations, a few game prizes)!  It also includes a Jollibee mascot appearance (definitely not just a simple meet and greet!). 

The dance number by Jollibee definitely made the party more fun!  It's the dancing that actually sealed the deal, heehee. 

The Party Host also prepared games which the kids and adults enjoyed.  I think this was one "children's party" where the adults enjoyed more!  Haha!  (Actually, there were only 7 kids during the party!)  

Everything was done in 2 hours!  The "party" may be short and there were only a few guests but we had a blast! =)  Keeping a party simple doesn't mean it can't be fun. What makes a great party?

Good food and great company! =)

To know more about Jollibee's Party Packages, please click this link.

Someone turned One!

Someone just turned 1. . . .a few days ago =)

I can't believe how fast this bouncing baby boy . . .

grew up to become a little man!

Our own little Prince

To our Dearest Little Prince,

Someone asked me what my birthday wish was for you and the only thing that I can think of that moment was for you to always feel blessed and loved.  Because when you do, you will just be so happy with what you have that you would want to share yourself and your blessings with everyone. . . and hopefully by doing this, the world will become a better place.

I also wish that you thrive in life and find its meaning .  The journey will not be easy but always remember that we have your back.

Happy 1st Birthday Sweetheart . . .We love you to the moon and back! 

My Man's Love Language

If your man doesn't give you flowers, well, you are NOT alone!

My husband and I have been together for twelve years (5 of those as a married couple) and I don't remember him giving me flowers.  I don't remember because he never did!   Haha!

But before you judge him, please hear me out. 

One thing that makes our relationship work is he listens when I have something to say (he really does!). Like when I tell him if something he did (or didn't do!) bothers me, he actually does something about it.  And I really appreciate it when he does.  So you can say that this "giving of flowers" thing didn't go unnoticed or it's not something we haven't talked about.  I've tried different kinds of approach to present "my case", haha!  But he just won't do it.  Period.  So through the years, I've learned to let go and accepted the fact that it I'll never receive flowers from him.  Sometimes I wonder if he is allergic to them, haha!  But I know he is NOT! 

My man and my wedding bouquet =)

He is simply a practical man, one who remains steadfast in his belief that he doesn't need to give me flowers to show his romantic side.  As they say, all of us have our own language of love.  With him, he shows his love best when he does something for me (or for the family).  

Like the time he surprised me with a video he made for my birthday or the fact that he remembers the things I like.  He also makes me feel I'm beautiful (Yes Honey, you do) when I wake up and I catch him staring at me (or was it because of my loud snoring, haha!).  He doesn't complain when he had to run to the grocery the second time because I forgot to buy an ingredient (and I'm not a happy cook if I have a missing ingredient) or that he packs (and unpack) everything for us when we travel (I know, I'm a lucky, girl.  I'm spoiled that way, haha!).  

Flowers will never be his thing but he has given me more than I've asked for.  One of the most precious gifts he has ever given me is the gift of being a stay at home Mom.  And for this, I am forever grateful to him.

Honey, thank you for showering me with your love and care.  My life is sweeter and brighter because you are in it.  I love you. . . .

Happy Valentine's Day!

I'll miss you Tita E . . .

Life has two faces.  We experience the good and the bad, happy and sad.

A couple of days after welcoming the New Year, an Aunt of mine (an elder sister of my Dad) completed her life's journey and has gone to a better place.  Her heart may have given up on her but she left a piece of it to each person she has loved.     

Image from www.mrwallpaper.com

I would like to believe that my Aunt and I have a "special bond".  We have a special fondness for each other, and I hope I was able to show and make her feel how much she is dear to me.  I don't know when it exactly started but we got closer as I grew older.

Growing up, I remember receiving Birthday cards from her.  She always writes her personal messages and wishes in each of them which makes these store bought cards more special.  She always has a smile on her face, the kind that pushes up in the eyes.  I actually wonder if she was ever in a bad mood!       

She gave the best of herself.  She was a dutiful daughter, a good sister, a devoted wife, a caring mother and a thoughtful lola (grandmother) to her grandchildren and great grandchildren.  She may be 88 years old but she was one cool lola!  Her innate goodness just showed  in every little thing she does for everyone.

It's ironic how I am talking about Death at a time when we should be celebrating the start of a New Year. But sometimes, hearing about the Death of someone makes us look into our own lives and see if we have lived our lives fully or if we have loved enough.  Then we become thankful that we are still alive because we still have a chance to start again, do and make better of the life we have.

Also, Death doesn't necessarily mean it is the end.  For the departed, it means we are celebrating the life they lived and celebrate the start of another one. . . .the eternal kind of life.

*********************************************************************************

Dear Tita E, 

I know you are in a happy place and that you are smiling from up there.  You will always be in my heart.  Thank you for showing me what Loving is all about.

I am missing you already!

Love you and til we see each other again. . . 

Same Old Photo

When Hubby came home for a short visit (2 weeks!) last August, I was thinking of having a family portrait photo shoot but sadly, we weren't able to do so. (kicking myself now)  

The most decent family picture we have was this. . .

it was not even taken by a camera!

So the photo above has sort of become a template for me, haha!  Thanks to Picmonkey, I can enhance and modify my "template" . . . . 

When Ate had to submit a family picture in class . . .

Something I did for Halloween . . .

And to spread some Holiday cheer for Christmas! 

And I think this won't be the last time you'll see this template family picture, haha!  

From our family to yours, we wish you Peace, Love and Joy this Holiday season =) 

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

P.S.

I know what I want for Christmas. . .a new family picture! Heehee

Happy Halloween!

One of the school activities that I was looking forward to doing this year was Ate's first Trick or Treat!  I got excited with thinking of what she's going to wear, haha!  One thing was for sure, she won't be a princess or a fairy because she is not into those. . . yet.  I wanted her to wear something she really likes and one that makes her happy.  I figured that if she likes what it is, she would definitely wear the costume.

And if there's one thing she really likes now, it's M&M's chocolate (Plain)!  So I went online and googled for some costumes which my Mom's dressmaker can make.  Initially, I wanted something like this:

Iimage from www.spirithalloween.com

But went with this instead . . .

Image from www.spoonful.com

because it looked more COMFORTABLE!

Mom's dressmaker did a good job with the yellow top.  As for the M&M's logo, I just sent it to the Printer and had it printed. =)

She LOVED it!!!  And was excited to wear it!

As I've mentioned in an earlier post, I love the school's idea of recycling old shoe boxes and turning them into a Trick or Treat bag.  

Ate actually worked on the pumpkin during her Arts and Crafts time in class =)

Ate's Costume Parade/Trick or Treat in pictures. . . 

I'm glad she enjoyed her first Trick or Treat =) 

Everyone at home enjoyed it too. . . .Thanks to her candies!  Haha!

Wishing all of you a great weekend! =)

Coming Home

As I've mentioned in an earlier post, Ate and I went to the Salon for some pampering because we wanted to look beautiful for this one person who means a lot to us and who we miss soooo much!

Welcome Home Papa!

Just the other day, Hubby and I went to the Mall to buy some stuff for the kids and I was telling him that it feels nice to be doing it with him, even if some of the things we do are actually errands.  I feel happy seeing him bring Ate to school.  And for him to see how our little girl has become a doting big sister to her little brother. And it was such a special moment when I saw him hold and carry Bunso for the very first time.  

There are so many things to do in our list (which reminds me, we can have our family photo taken!). . . and we only have three weeks!  So yes, we are packing everything in!  

I'm wondering if this means. . . . I can have more nap time??!  Haha!

(Huney, you'll be fine!  I'm sure you can handle BOTH of them. . . because I believe in you and in what you can do!  Just wake me up if you need an extra hand, heehee.

Anything for you. . . .

The first and last . . . and the only time I wore a two-piece bikini was when I was 6 years old during a summer family outing, haha!

Soon after that, my swimming outfits would be a shirt and a pair of shorts (if the facility permits it) or at best, a one piece bathing suit AND a shirt to cover myself, haha!  I am not shy about being a plus size (it was never an issue for me) . . . but wearing a bathing suit in public, ummm, yep, still working on that, haha!

Ate in her swimsuit, ready for a dip!  As for me, I'm holding on to my shirt!  

But as they say, a Mother would do anything for her child. . . And so I must . . . 

Conquer my fear and throw my inhibitions!

Wore my bathing suit . . .as it is. . . with no cover-ups!  Eeeeeppp!  Haha!

I love you Ate!

Anything for you . . . .

Lolo's Girl

As they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery . . .

We got here one flattered Lolo (means Grandpa) then!

And yes, they really love wearing sunglasses =)

Happy Birthday Ate!

We had a simple and intimate family celebration of Ate's second birthday yesterday at Jollibee, her favorite fast food chain.  (It is her favorite because of the restaurant's character mascot!) 

Our Ate . . . cute as can BEE

There were balloons, party hats, games and prizes!  I think the adults enjoyed it more than the kids!  Haha!  There were only 25 of us, 6 of which where kids (2 of them actively participated, there were 2 who were shy and the other 2 were too young to join). . . oh, and there was also  a special dance number by the jolly bug!

When the hostess asked me what my birthday wish was for our dear celebrant, I couldn't give her a ready answer.  I guess because there are just so many things that I want for Ate that I don't know where to start and what to say, haha!

So I am making up for it through this post =)

To our precious Ate,

We wish that you grow up to be a good person, with so much love to share and compassion for others.  And when you find yourself dreaming, we wish that you will have the passion and determination to work hard and go where your dreams bring you.  And should you have any fears in your heart, we pray that you will have the courage and strength to conquer them.  Remember that we are always here to support you.  

Enjoy life to the fullest and be happy!

Remember that you are always loved.

Hugs and kisses,

Papa and Mama

Ironic

How can something so heartwarming  . . . be heartbreaking too?




I had (and still have) my share of this irony . . .

She was looking at the back of the monitor to see if her Papa was there *heart melts*

Hubby has been living in the US for five years now.  If you're wondering how this arrangement goes, well, we take turns visiting each other.  Actually, the Little Miss and I just visited him last year and stayed for 5 months.  It is a difficult arrangement to live with but it is good enough.  At least we get to see each other for a few months in a year.    

But still, it sucks!  Haha!  

I want him to enjoy our precious little ones.  I wish Hubby is here to see how our little girl gets naughtier each day, how she would ask for a kiss but then runs away from you!  I wish he is here to see her dance along with any kind of music, and I wish he can cook his Adobo and Ginisang sayote for her (she loves his cooking) again.    

I wish he is here so he can hold our baby boy for the first time.  I wish he is here so he can see our little big boy get . . . well, bigger each day, haha!  And for him to enjoy all the cooing and smiling he does.   

I wish he is here so we can do family stuff . . . and have more family pictures!  

I just wish we can all be together, in the same house, in the same time zone. . . and enjoy every waking moment together!

But I will take whatever I can get because I know we will all be together soooonnn! =)  (Hopefully before the year ends)

We miss you Papa!!!  Virtual hugs and kisses from us!

XOXO

Plus ONE!

I blogged about being in a bad mood and not being able to take any caffeine a couple of weeks ago and I promised that I would share with you why. . .

I am 7 weeks pregnant!

I actually took the pregnancy test around the last week of July.  Since it was my Mom's birthday, I thought it would be nice to surprise her with the good news!  I've put the test kit in a box and when she opened it, I think it took a few seconds before she realized what it meant!  It was priceless to see how delighted she was.  And you know what she told me. . . "Kaya pala masungit ka!" (That's why you're cranky!) 

Hahaha!  

I thought of waiting until my 7th week (a good time to hear the baby's heartbeat) before I share this wonderful news with everyone.  I went for an ultra sound a few days ago and I'm so happy to hear how strong our bunso's ("bunso" means youngest child in English) heartbeat was.

Did Zola's Dad and I plan on having a baby?  Not really. . . the topic comes up once in a while but we don't  seriously talk about it.  It's true what they say, sometimes things happen when you least expect it.  We are thankful and blessed that we were given another blessing in the family.  There is so much love to give and to go around =)

When I was at the mall, I dropped by Booksale and was browsing randomly when I saw this book . . .

The timing couldn't have been more perfect!

I started reading the book to the Little One and though she may not fully understand the story yet, I know that she can feel that Mommy is going to have a baby.  It is so nice to see her kiss my tummy when I ask her "Where is Mommy's baby?"  

There is a page in the book which shows a family  . . . it could well have been our family =)

Mama, Papa, Ate and Baby =)

A perfect illustration of what's to come . . .in 33 weeks! =)

And the countdown has begun. . . .

TGIF!

Helloooo Weekend!

Most of the people I  know who are on diet reward their good self during weekends. . . that means "cheat days" are here again! Haha!

Add caption

I'm starting mine . . . TONIGHT!  Going out tonight for some Japanese dinner with mi familia!  

And technically, it's not really a cheat day. . .because I'm not on a diet (again!---remember Zola's Dad having a vacation back here at home? Excuses. . .excuses, haha!)

  

I will come back, promise. . . !!!  And the vicious cycle will begin soon. . . Haha!

Have a nice weekend ahead!

Our Ilocos Adventure

One of the things Zola's Dad and I want to do is bring the Little One to Ilocos Sur (Northern part of the Philippines) to visit his grandparents (both of whom are in their late 80s).  The last time we visited them was two years ago.  They have only seen the Little One through the photos I've been sending them.  Now that Zola's dad is back home for a vacation and that the Little One has turned one (a better time for her to take a long trip), we decided that it's time for his grandparents to meet the Princess.

So we took the 316 kms road trip a couple of weeks ago (Point A to Point B on the map below). . .

 I usually travel light. . . but since it's my first time to travel with the Little One, I would rather over pack than hit myself for NOT bringing something I need!  I have yet to learn the art of packing for a family vacation, Haha!  

We left home at 6:30 AM and traveled for 8 hours (we had 4 stopovers). . .and I'm so thankful that the Little One was manageable during the trip!  (She slept for the most part of the trip!  Must be the rainy weather that day)

We also had a great view of the South China Sea along the way. . . 

Upon reaching the grandparents' ancestral home, we were welcomed by an excited aunt and grateful grandparents.

 

Never mind that we weren't able to do some touristy things we were hoping we could, like trying out Ilocos culinary delights and sightseeing (save for a super quick stop at "Baluarte", a zoo/wildlife sanctuary), but knowing that the Little One has brought so much joy and smiles to her grandparents (such priceless moments) makes the trip worthwhile!

Wish List

If there's one thing I wish that malls in Philippines would have. . . it would be . . . FAMILY RESTROOMS!

Photo Source

I saw the benefit of having family restrooms when I visited Zola's Dad in the US.  We didn't have the Little One back then but I saw the convenience it offered  to parents who have kids in tow.  Parents can help each other with nappy changes and for some with bigger families, it is easier to manage all kids in using the restroom at the same time.

Changing the Little One's nappy in the mall is quite challenging since she does not like lying down in the changing table.  I would gladly welcome an extra pair of hands!  So I got excited when I saw a Family restroom in Marquee Mall! (since family restrooms are not common in the Philippines)  However my excitement was short-lived because it was still closed! *sigh*  But it's okay. . . I'm just glad that somebody has thought of including family restrooms in their facilities.  It's a good start!  


Thanks Ayala Land (they operate Marquee Mall) for making your mall family friendly!  I hope there are more malls who would follow and provide the same amenities =D


Have a nice weekend ahead everyone!